4Large Minds is a capacity development organisation established with the sole aim of deploying “resilience” as a tool for individual and organizational sustainability.
Why We Exist
Our Major Focus
- DECISION MAKING
- PEOPLE MANAGEMENT
- MIND BALANCE
- STRESS MANAGEMENT
- PEACE OF MIND
Frequently Ask Questions
I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in whatever way you need me. I am sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words to say. Just know I care. I am sorry you have to go through this. Let’s go have some coffee. I will keep you and your loved one in my thoughts and prayers. I am just a phone call away. I’m bringing dinner over.
Grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss. Some examples of loss include the death of a loved one, the ending of an important relationship, job loss, loss through theft or the loss of independence through disability.
Grief is a normal emotional reaction to loss. There are no limits, boundaries, or rules in terms of loss or what could be considered a loss. Grief involves emotional pain that varies by individual and loss. Grief may be especially burdensome in response to a loss that was traumatic, sudden or severe
Anger is a normal part of grieving. In fact, it is not unusual for people to experience a range of emotions as part of healing process. One who has experienced loss may also experience denial, numbness, shock, guilt, depression, remorse, despair, loneliness, and acceptance. It is important to note that there is no specific order of stages in which to grieve and that grief is not limited to the emotional behaviours mentioned here. The range of emotions and behaviours incurred throughout the grieving process serves as bargaining tools for griever to cope with and acknowledge the reality of the loss that has occurred.
Children have more difficulty dealing with major loss. Grieving children do not experience the same response to loss as adults and may not show their feelings as readily or openly. It is not unusual for children to express grief or occasional responses to grief, but the reality is that children have greater difficulty than adults managing emotional responses to grief and trauma. In truth, because children grieve longer than adults, children in mourning require frequent assessment, discussion, and acknowledgement of their feelings.
It’s alright to cry. For a grieving person, crying is a healthy, natural release as part of the grieving process. If you or someone you know is grieving, it may help to express thoughts and feelings openly through writing, journalizing. Speak openly with other family members who suffered the same loss. Accept and allow a range of emotions. Seek professional help when the feelings become overwhelming or when you have trouble returning to daily activities over time.
Minimizing one’s feelings may actually hinder the grief and healing process that is natural following a loss, Other avoidance behaviours can include thrusting oneself into work; self-medicating with drugs, alcohol, or other substances; compulsive patterns and behaviour, and /or avoiding emotions.
Anticipatory grief is the name for what people experience when they know that they will likely face a profound loss. For parents of a child with a serious illness, it includes all the losses along the illness journey, not just the prospect of death. It means grappling with and grieving the loss before it completely unfolds.
When a close person dies, we try our best to keep them with us in our everyday life. We should remember that, even if our loved one is not here, and we can’t touch them or listen to them, they remain very much in our heart. The affection, and the moments we have lived together, remain in our heart and nothing and nobody can take that away from us, not even time itself.
The answer to this question varies greatly, because this period depends on the circumstances, the personal characteristics, the relationship we had, the way in which the loss happens etc. However, the first year is always very difficult, since everything reminds us of the deceased and as certain special dates go by: the first Christmas, the first birthdays, the first holidays etc. The despair of not being able to share the events, achievements and feelings with that person make us relive the tragedy relentlessly. However, it is true that this period is not a passive one because it helps us to accept death and, slowly but surely, to live with it.
The answer to this question is NO. The death of a loved one marks us and breaks us, and, inevitably, changes us: we lose parts of our lives – the parts that we shared with that person. We mature in some aspects; We recover our value system; we give importance to different things and we start to think differently. All this constitutes a learning curve that frequently makes us more committed than ever to life.
Grief is not just a series of events, or stages or timelines. Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over loss, and to get through the grief. But how long do you grieve for a husband of forty years, a teenager killed in a car accident or by suicide or a three-year-old child? The loss happens in time, in fact in a moment, but its aftermath lasts a lifetime.
Time doesn’t heal everything, but without a doubt, it offers perspective. By the passing of time and with new experiences along our road, we distance ourselves from painful events in some way. This brings us to the point where we either have a defeatist attitude or an attitude of overcoming. Time tells and also helps us to have a rethink about all that has happened.
You need to put this behind you. It was not meant to be. I thought you would be more upset. He brought this on himself. Everything happens for a reason. It is not good to visit the grave so often. Others have it worse than you. Are you over her yet? She’s been gone a long time. You must be strong. You know that he cannot get into heaven until you accept his death. Why are you still crying? She wouldn’t want you to be so sad. If you separate his ashes, he will never get to heaven. You are still young; you can always remarry. You never really got to know the baby. At least the other twin lived. God wanted him more than you. Heaven needed another angel. God will never give you more than you can handle. I know just how you feel. Don’t let the children[…..]